It’s happened to all of us, whether we want to admit it or not, even the most macho of men who pride themselves on the size of their bulging muscles have been robbed of their strength by a woman. There is something about the female form that can take control of a male’s emotions and wreck them with heartbreak.

Even today, over 15 years later I get a little teary-eyed at the name of Misty. We were in the sixth grade and I thought we were going to be together forever. Wrong! She went for the jock and I was left only with the thoughts of what might have been but never was.

However, I’m not here to write about my tale of heartbreak. but of Lane Meyer’s played by John Cusack in “Better off Dead” (1985). The film is directed by Savage Steve Holland and follows Meyer, a high school student, through the painful breakup with his girlfriend, Beth (Amanda Wyss), which leaves him suicidal.

At least Misty was pretty. I kept wondering why Meyer was so torn up over losing the affection of the less-than-attractive Beth. I would have been relieved. Of course, maybe she did have a really good personality. Though of all the actresses in Hollywood, I would think one with more sexual appeal could have been cast for a part in which her boyfriend wanted to kill himself when she dumped him.

The act of betrayal occurs when Beth leaves Meyer for the arrogant captain of the school’s ski team, Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier). It is nice to feature a school sport other than the standard football, basketball or baseball. Name one other movie where it’s the leader of the ski team who gets the girl. Maybe it’s because I don’t think a quarterback would be seen with Beth.

Cusack’s performance brings comedy through Meyer’s pain, even as he tries to hang himself. Never has suicide been so funny. He makes other attempts to end it all, but is never successful as he can’t seem to do anything right.

If Meyer has any legitimate reason to wipe himself off the earth it would be the tremendously awful cooking of his mother (Kim Darby) whose self-made recipes take on a life of their own. She wouldn’t last a single minute in a kitchen with Chef Gordon Ramsey.

In time Meyer’s pain begins to be healed by building a relationship with the foreign exchange student from France, Monique (Diane Franklin), who lives across the street. She pretends not to speak English while with her host family, where she is paired up with an overweight nerd, Ricky, played by Dan Schneider, who played a similar character in the sitcom “Head of the Class.” Looks-wise, Monique is an upgrade from Beth.

Many of the film’s comedic moments comes from the rest of the supporting cast, such as two Korean brothers who always seem to meet up with Meyer at a red light and challenge him to a race. One of them impersonates Howard Cosell and narrates the action. They are dressed in matching yellow suit jackets.

Another running gag is the evil paper boy who repeatedly breaks the windows of Meyer’s garage with his toss of the daily news. He also persistently chases Meyer for his payment, yelling, “I want my two dollars!”

As an example that actions speak louder than words, Meyer’s brother never speaks but constructs laser guns, rocket ships and lures older women into his room.   

The emotional support for Meyer comes from his best friend, Charles, played by Curtis Armstrong, better known as “Booger” in the “Revenge of the Nerds” films and for his role in the television series, “Moonlighting.” With his most unique look, he would make a better match for Beth.

While “Better off Dead” wasn’t as hilarious as I remembered it being in the 80s, it’s still very much worth checking out.

A year later, Cusack and the director Holland reunited for “One Crazy Summer” in which Cusack plays Hoops McCann, named for his parent’s desire for him to be a basketball star, except that he has no athletic ability. Hoops wants to make his career as a writer, (good luck), and must create a love story to get accepted into the Rhode Island School of Design.

To gain inspiration for a heart wrenching tale Hoops agrees to travel with his friend George Calamari (Joel Murray, brother of the more successful actor Bill), his sister Squid and her disabled dog to Nantucket, Massachusetts. While en route, the plot of Hoops’ story thickens when they meet his eventual heroine, Cassandra Eldridge (Demi Moore), a wannabe rock star on the run from a motorcycle gang. Now, Demi Moore might be reason to consider inflicting some physical harm if she broke up with you; she should have been in “Better off Dead.”

A full supply of wacky characters are introduced in Nantucket, starting with the Stork twins, Clay (Tom Villard) and Egg (Bobcat Goldthwait), who look nothing alike and don’t have a fully functioning brain between them. There is only one Bobcat, and that’s probably a blessing, his shrieking voice and wild eyes can’t be matched. He steals the movie, especially in a scene where he traps himself in a Godzilla-type costume and destroys a city of model buildings.

Also from “Better off Dead,” Armstrong returns to play another weird friend, Ack-Ack Raymond. (Who named these people?). Ack-Ack is highly pressured to join the Marines by his father, General Raymond (Joe Flaherty). Ack-Ack is far from Marine material; he is brought to tears when a disfigured baby doll is found on the beach.

Excuse this interruption for a special report…with Joe Flaherty, I must mention the television series he appeared on “Freaks and Geeks,” which aired for all of one season in 1999 but was a superb show. It was created by Judd Apatow, who now makes movies everyone wants to see with cast members from the show such as Seth Rogen and James Franco (of “Pineapple Express”). Check out “Freaks and Geeks” on DVD….Now back to the regularly scheduled Time Warp.

There is also the crazy Beckersted family, including Teddy (Matt Mulhern), the required arrogant rich boy that everyone loves to hate and has a good-looking girlfriend. Teddy’s father, Aquilla (Mark Metcalf, more recently known as “The Master” in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and its spinoff, “Angel”). The film’s central plot evolves around the Beckersteds and their plan to inherit a plot of land (to build a restaurant) from their grandfather when he dies. Meanwhile, Cassandra is also part of the family and wants to raise money to save them from getting the land.

It all comes down to the concluding boat race, as Hoops and his collection of misfit friends face off against the Beckersteds, who win every year and are ready, willing and able to play dirty. Not to be outdone, a high powered motor that Hoops and company installs in their boat allows them to cruise to victory and a cash prize for Cassandra to save the land. I don’t think I ruined anything; you knew it had to be a happy ending.

As for Hoops, he may not be able to make a free throw but he scores in the heart of Cassandra and the love story is completed.

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